I May Be Cute, But I’m Really Dumb . . .

. . . and impatient . . . and impulsive . . . but cute.  Don’t forget cute.

It’s Liesl,  the purple cardigan.  Again.  I’m ready to throw her in front of a fast-moving train and watch her soft purple fibery goodness get ripped to shreds under tons of steel.

Remember yesterday when I showed you my Liesl as she was blocking?  I loved her then.  I watched over her with tremendous fondness as I waited for the water to evaporate from her.  I kept touching her, poking her, petting her.  At last, when I could wait no more, I lifted her from the blocking mat and eased her on over my trembling arms.

Gag.

I put the sweater on and was horrified to find out that it was  w-a-y   t-o-o   l-o-n-g.  Crappity crap crap!  Body looked about 6 inches too long and sleeves were about 3 inches too long.  Crappity crap crap crap.  No pictures were taken of the sweater during this meltdown.  It’s just as well.

I went upstairs to show my boy.  Here’s a summary of the conversation:

Me:  Look!

Boy:  Holy crap!  What happened?

Me:  It grew when I blocked it.

Boy:  What do you mean ‘blocked it’?

Me:  You have to wet it and lay it out to shape it.

Boy:  Why?

Me:  Because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

Boy:  But it was fine the way it was.

Me:  I know, but you have to do it.

Boy:  Why?

Me:  Because it’s a rule.

Boy:  That’s stupid.

Me:  I know.

Boy:  Sigh.

Me:  But I can fix it.

Boy:  How?

Me:  I can rip back from the bottom.

Boy:  Geez.

Me:  I know.

I went back downstairs, marked the place where I’d want the bottom to be, and got in bed with a good book.  I’d deal with the sweater in the morning.

When I woke up today, the freakin’ sweater was my first thought.  Crap.  I got up, made coffee, and set to work.  I inserted my needle into a row about 7 inches from the bottom and started to rip.  Rip.  Rip.  Rip.

Needle inserted and ripping has begun.

Needle inserted and ripping has begun.

I knit a few rows and got ready to bind off, but figured it might be a good idea to try it on once more before I pronounced it finished.

D’oh!  Now it was way too freakin’ short!

What I’ve neglected to share with you was that last night when I tried the sweater on, it was still . . . um . . . kind of damp.  Damp.  Not wet.  Damp.  Apparently, the dampness added enough weight to stretch the knitted fabric  w-a-y   d-o-w-n.  This morning, when the sweater was completely dry, it was a little more sproingy.  And short.

If only I’d allowed the sweater to dry completely before trying it on.

If only I’d tried the sweater on this morning before I ripped it back.

If only.

If only I could be done with this sweater and actually wear it instead of having it balled up in my lap.

At least I’m cute.  And I’ll be cute this afternoon sitting on the couch and knitting the sweater that wouldn’t end.

Sigh.

And why is it that whenever I eat Quaker Maple & Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal, I smell like maple for the rest of the day?

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9 Responses to “I May Be Cute, But I’m Really Dumb . . .”

  1. Becca Says:

    Oh no!! I don’t know what else to say. Stupid knitting.
    (except you know what I mean. It’s not really stupid. It’s pretty and feels nice and keeps us warm. And Malabrigo cures excema. So it has that going for it. But it’s a really frustrating way to get a sweater right? Maybe you should show that sweater who is the boss and pick up a fancy cashmere cabled item at an after christmas sale?)

  2. jennsquared Says:

    Oh boy… I can see how painful this is… Sounds like my stupid pattern – 9 balls huh? Well I used up 10 and I still have two sleeves and a neck that’s not done! ::sigh::

    And yes, you are cute! 🙂 No one will deny that!

    And I like Becca’s idea. Show that Malabrigo who is the boss!!!

  3. accountantgrrl Says:

    I’m speechless.

    That’s all I have to say….oh and you’ve got a cute face. (At least, that’s what you always tell me.)

  4. Kim Says:

    You’re a dummy. Sometimes shortcuts don’t work. It’s so hard to wait for something you want so much!! Dummy!

  5. Peaceful Knitter Says:

    Well, shoot. At least it’s Malabrigo you get to keep knitting with on this sweater that never ends…and soon it will be finished, and won’t that be exciting?!

  6. costumechick Says:

    (snerk) I’m not laughing. really. (snerk) OK. I am. But, not at you! I’m laughing at your post. Even in the evil throws of sweater melt down you are funny!

  7. rmsheffler Says:

    Oh, dear…. Well, you handled it much better than I would have. But I feel your pain. I frogged the first 5 1/2″ of my first sweater last night when I got home from the library! (Shhh…. Don’t tell the others!) Darn swatching! I got gauge — really I did. But somehow it shrunk after that….. Oh, well. Back to square one. At least you didn’t have to go back that far.

  8. Emily Says:

    Noooooo!

  9. loopflash Says:

    Any information on your sources though?

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