And That’s What I Think About That

By Emmie, Guest Writer

My mom has been pretty busy lately.  Report cards.  Getting ready for parent conferences.  Science Committee.  Cleaning.  Blah blah blah.  She’s snuck in a little time for knitting, but probably not as much as she’d like. 

She’s been working on the purple sweater.  Big deal.  I don’t like it.  Want to know why?

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Because she won’t let me near it!  Just look at it. Its softness whispers my name.  It calls me.  I’m trying to heed the call, but then Mom grabs it and pulls it away from me.  Geez Louise.  What’s the big freakin’ deal?  I just want to lay on it.  After I march on it, of course.  I have to march first.  Doesn’t everybody?

She started this thing for my boy last night.

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It’s a neck thingie.  Kind of like neckwarmer, but more like a turtle neck without the rest of the sweater.  My boy wanted something to keep his face warm when he walks home from school in the winter.  He’s not a hat kind-of-kid, so he didn’t want one of those pull-on-over-the-face ski hats that some people wear.  You know, the kind that people wear to rob banks.  Ski masks!  That’s what they’re called.  He didn’t want one of those.  So Mom suggested a neckwarmer.  She told him it was like a short scarf that just goes around the neck.  He thought that was good, but he wanted to be able to pull it up over his face and have it stay there. 

So Mom bought some black yarn.  Lion Brand Wool-Ease Thick and Quick (I read the label) because it has some wool and it’s really soft.  She knit a swatch (I know – I couldn’t believe it either) in K2P2 rib and then made my boy come in and let her measure his face.  Okay, it was really his whole head, but man, it was funny to see my boy with this number thing wrapped around his face over his nose and ears.  I snorted a little.  She started to knit this thing in the round with the idea that the K2P2 rib would make it stretchable.  It was 56 stitches on US 11 needles.  It was good.  She tried it on a few times.  Looked like a dork if you ask me.  She asked my boy to try it on and he did.  Complained it was too big.  Needed it to be snugger and fit closer around his neck when it wasn’t stretched.  Mom ripped it apart and started over – this time with 44 stitches.  Much better.  I think my boy will like it.

She also finished this thing – her French Market Bag.

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She’s okay with it.  Thinks its a little too big, but I fit inside it so I think it’s awesome.

Mom brought home another pile of writing by her 3rd graders.  Get a load of this one:

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He is hiding under his bed sheets, buddy.  It’s sheets.  Looks like the boy who wrote this even erased and thought he had corrected his spelling.  Nice try, pal.

Okay.  Let’s get to the real reason that my Mom turned the blog over to me today. 

See this nonsense?

emmie-collar1

This is the kind of stuff they do to me.  My boy put this red terry cloth sweat band around my neck.  Aw, cute.  Look at her.  She’s so adorable. 

I put up with it a few times.  I even pretended to like it.  I took a nap while wearing it.  Ate while wearing it.  Ran around while wearing it.  No big deal.  I’ll play along.

But what was I really thinking?  Bite me.

So this morning, when my boy put it on me for the 16th time?  When Mom laughed at me for the 16th time?  I showed them both.

collar-in-litter

That’s right.  My litter box. 

And that’s what I think about that.

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9 Responses to “And That’s What I Think About That”

  1. Becca Says:

    Dear Emmie – I think Jackson wishes he had a litter box for some of the things I put on him. But he doesn’t. Tough luck for him to be a dog, huh? Wait until he gets a load of the knitted snood I’ll be making him – it’s a lot like that sweat band. He shivers and hates sweaters, so I think it’s a great compromise. –Becca

  2. Sonia Says:

    Hilarious!

  3. accountantgrrl Says:

    Emmie Ming May, I like your style!!!!

  4. rmsheffler Says:

    Oh, my….. I keep *sheets* on my bed. The other stuff stays in the bathroom. Maybe your student hasn’t quite figured that out yet; there’s some 3rd graders who still wet the bed, right?

    Thanks for sharing, Emmie! Was it hard for you to type without opposeable thumbs?

  5. Mom Says:

    Emmie is too funny. I will take her and won’t make her wear any clothes. Bring her here. My birthday is coming !!

  6. jennsquared Says:

    Dude, let me know ya! Good thing we have 12″ long fur! We can’t imagine what MY MOM will make us wear. Even with the fur, she half jokingly said we need stuff. Dad is the sensible one. He puts a stop on her non-sense. Looks like you are out of luck on your boy saving you there… Good Luck!

    Bruno, Mick and Vanilla

  7. yankeel Says:

    Dear Emmie Ming May,

    There should be some sort of Pulitzer Prize for cats. You are amazing.

    Love,

    Kitty B, Your Biggest Fan

  8. Mad Knitter Says:

    Emmie, I had no idea what an excellent writer you are! Good job on that neck thingy, LOL!

    Boy’s neckwarmer looks spectacular! Nice job, mom! And we missed you last night! I’m having Knelley withdrawal!!!

  9. betsy Says:

    Dear Emmie,

    See my mom knows better. But she does like to put hats on my. I humor her. I just wish those needles would get out of her hands. The stringy stuff is nice to play with around the house, be those sticky things, oh those are so great for chewing. Try that sometime, mom won’t mind. really. My mom thinks its funny. calls my name every time. then she takes them away, just part of the game. . . Who says only dogs can play fetch.

    hope to hear more from you

    Hagrid.

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